The Last Boss Witch Will Keep Her Past Self’s Crush Until Her Dying Day – Chapter 33

 

I haven’t been drenched with so much blood ever since that day.
I don’t want to remember it but the memories are still coming back.
I hate it. It’s almost like I’m regretting what happened on that day.

 

Before I mastered the art of seeing past, my oldest memory was my mother’s, Alonia’s, gentle smile.

 “Sonia, my cute daughter. I made this for you. Enjoy your meal.”

She said so during the dinner time and patted my head.

“Yes, Mother.”

I, who was 5-6 years old at that time, happily stuffed my cheeks with the hamburger in front of me. It didn’t taste very good but I still didn’t stop eating. After all, Mother was happily looking at me.
However, the moment I finished eating, I started to feel sick. I felt strange. Cold sweat and the trembling of my hands wouldn’t stop.
Something sour came up from my stomach and when I almost vomited, Mother forcefully blocked my mouth.

“No, Sonia. This is best taken by mouth. Endure it.”

 

I couldn’t understand what she was talking about. After that I fainted and slept for 3 days and 3 nights.

 

After that day, things like this happened on a daily basis.
I didn’t think that it was strange. After all, I hadn’t seen how other families dined. Besides, I was a witch and witches trained themselves. I had to persevere through painful experiences.
Unfortunately, my body was more honest and it gradually started to reject Mother’s cooking. I couldn’t possibly put something in my mouth while I was fully aware that it would make me sick.

When that happened, Mother brought one of her disciple witches to the dining room. The latter kept crying, begging to be saved, and begging to be forgiven. There were traces of abuse on her face. Perhaps she had done something bad?

 “If you eat this without leaving anything, I’ll let you keep your life at least.”

 

Following Mother’s words, she sipped the terribly smelling soup. After just one gulp, her mouth started foaming, she writhed in pain and eventually stopped moving. For me, it was the moment the vague idea I had about death finally solidified.

“You see, Sonia. You’re my cute daughter, so I won’t feed you things like this. I will raise you very, very preciously. If you try your best, I’ll give you delicious cookies. I’ll dress you in pretty dresses. I’ll give you anything you want. So, don’t disobey Mother’s words, okay?”

I instinctively understood what my smiling Mother meant. If I disobeyed her, I would meet the same fate as her disciple that was lying on the floor.

“Yes, Mother…”

I ate up the poisoned food and once again fell ill.

 

 

 

 

 

After that, my mother, Alonia, kept giving the stick to her disciples and the carrot to me.
I was being favored. I was being cherished. I was only receiving weak poison; I wasn’t being hit and I was being pampered.
There were times when I naturally felt superior to others. However, when I grew up, I understood that my family was abnormal.
A book, was what started it all.

Growing up in a small village like Cucurouge was so boring that I naturally got into reading books. Neither Mother nor other adults around me would teach me common sense, so I had no other choice but to learn it from books.
Fortunately, there were a lot of books in my family’s library. There were many books that weren’t exclusively about magic too. Those were all gathered by my Father, who was the former slave, to educate himself so there were also some easy ones suited for children.

“I see…so poisoned meals aren’t served in normal houses”

I thought it was strange. But mysteriously, I didn’t resent my Mother. It wasn’t like I was made to eat poison because she hated me. It was for the sake of an important experiment. It couldn’t be helped.

The Rose Gem.
The treasure of the witches that promised one rejuvenation and eternal beauty. If embedded in the stomach, it cured all wounds and sickness, keeping the owner of the body healthy at all times.
Mother was always studying the recipe she received from her master.
But it didn’t seem to be working out well.

 

It was supposed to be a solid sphere in its finished state, but whenever Mother made it according to the recipe, it would stay in its liquid form. If it was put in the body in its spherical form, the poison didn’t leak out, but if it was put in the body in its liquid state, the poison instantly ravaged the body, overpowering the effect of immortality and killing the person.

 “That fucking old hag! She gave me a shitty recipe! …Or was it Ambert?! How dare they trick me!”

…First five years after inheriting the recipe, Mother studied how to change its liquid form to the solid form. But after understanding that it was useless, she switched to researching how to let the body accommodate to the liquid form.

She was trying to create antibodies that would then be mixed with the Gem to neutralize its poison.
That was why she was making me, her daughter, and the experiment subjects drink poison. She would try it on her own body only after fully making sure that it was safe.

 

If only it would be completed soon.
That way mother would stop hysterically shouting at her disciples and wouldn’t give me poison anymore.
Maybe she would even start playing with me, teach me magic or take me on a trip.
I was at my happiest when I was dreaming about future like that.

 

 

 

 

Reading books was enough to give me full knowledge about magic.
Anything that was too hard for me to understand, I would ask grandmother, the village elder. Other witches would rarely talk to me and there weren’t any apprentice witches of my age in the village at that time. I loved grandmother, who would praise me when I learned new magic.

Sometimes I also consulted her about things that didn’t concern magic,

“Grandmother…am I really Mother’s daughter?”

What if I was being made to drink poison because I was actually somebody else’s child? What if my real Mother was looking for me somewhere?
I would wonder from time to time.

 

 “You’re a once in a century genius, that’s the talent you’ve inherited from Alonia. You’re definitely her daughter…but don’t you take after her personality too. Only keep her good traits.”

 

Grandmother patted my head. She seemed to be very pained.
Cucurouge was a village that witches, who were afraid of the witch hunts resuming, built to protect Mother, considered to be the symbol of peace. Everything was under Mother’s control.
 After all, she was Mistria’s savior. The strong and wise, the best witch in the kingdom.
Many witches were envious of her and raided the village. Or so I was told.
…Children are really simple. At that time, I even respected Mother.

 

When I learned how to read and write, I started receiving letters from the capital.
They were from my fiancé, Prince Rain.
Even those short letters that came only several times a year were enough to make me happy. They always said the same thing, but I was excited every time I opened the envelope.

For me, who had no friends and had never left the village, it was a very fresh stimulus.
The princes from the stories were all wonderful people, so I was sure that he would be the same.
Besides, if we got married, I would be able to leave Cucurouge. I would live in the castle. I still couldn’t understand what being the queen meant, but I was sure that it was easier than drinking poison every day.

 

I would rather be able to write my replies freely, but all my letters to the Prince had to go through Mother first.

Elegant and graceful. To borrow Mother’s words, “you can never know who will read those so act like a pure girl who doesn’t have any interest in power or status.” I didn’t really understand it, so in the beginning I was replying exactly as Mother wanted.
The boring letters I wrote didn’t convey a single thing about my real self.
Wouldn’t he hate me? I was anxious.

 

 

When I turned 8, the Lord of Azurite contacted us.
They wanted me, who had mastered the control over my magical powers perfectly, to officially start my Queen training.
That was when I first heard the truth about the raid on the royal capital from Mother and was left speechless from her countless acts of evil.

“Listen to me. Don’t let your guard down around the people of the Kingdom. Especially the people from Aspinel family. They’re always looking for a chance to use us. They are waiting for you to make a mistake.”

 

…Actually, I was already vaguely aware of it. Materials for the Gem and the research objects that were delivered from the royal capital. Witches who were after my mother.
The research of Rose Gem was actually something that was bad.
Mother was the bad witch. King was the bad king.
And I, was the daughter of that bad witch.

“You are not allowed to tell the truth. If the public founds out about it, you and the Prince Rain will die. That is the contract that has been cast upon you two. You’re a smart girl so you know what that means, right?”

 

All the excitement about leaving Cucurouge for the first time in my life disappeared and was replaced with fear.

“Welcome, Sonia, and nice to meet you. Think of this place as your house from today on. You can also call me Brother.”

“…P-pleased to meet you.”

“What is it, Are you nervous? How cute.”

 

Brother was like the Sun.
Kind, cheerful and cool.
But at first, I couldn’t say a single word to him. I was afraid of what would happen if I said something wrong.
In truth, Sanigue’s father – the Lord of Aspinel family didn’t talk to me much either. I hated seeing gazes full of pity, so I locked myself in the private room I was given, fully committing myself to the Queen training. I couldn’t fail. ‘If I show even a slightest mistake, I’ll be humiliated’, that was how I thought. I didn’t feel alive.

However, after getting used to spending a week in the Aspinel mansion every month, I stopped feeling so nervous.
The meals I was given weren’t poisoned. Every time I finished an assignment, Brother would praise me. He would tell me interesting stories that weren’t written in books. He would pamper me.
The teacher, who taught me manners and language, was strict, but they understood my strengths and weaknesses and guided me well. They were a truly good teacher. Even if I failed once, they would still give me an opportunity to try again.
Just that was enough to make me feel relieved.
I gradually started looking forward to going to the Aspinels.

 

After I learned High Magic, I also started helping with defending the village. It was my mother’s order.
The witches who attacked Cucurouge for the recipe of the Rose Gem knew everything. They knew that the Crimson Witch Alonia was blinded by her unsightly greed and killed her teacher, Jebera, for the recipe of immortality. I was terrified.
I couldn’t feel relieved unless I dealt them the last blow. I learned how to get my hands dirty and killed all the invading witches.

When I first killed another person, I seriously thought about running away from this place.
‘I don’t want to do this. I want to throw away everything, go somewhere far away and live freely.’

But by that time I had already fully understood that not only was the escape not allowed, it was also impossible.

Running away from the village also meant abandoning my marriage with the royal family of Mistria. My engagement with Prince Rain was the proof of the peace between the witches and the Kingdom. Witches in village, who were afraid of witch hunts being resumed, would surely do everything to stop me from getting away.
Most importantly, there was no way the royal family would let me run free after I had already found out the truth from 20 years ago.
I didn’t have the confidence that I would be able to get away after making the enemies of both sides. Since I had already killed somebody, I couldn’t argue against meeting the same fate.

I was Mother’s lab mouse. A convenient tool for everybody.
 I wasn’t even allowed to live for my own sake. I had a place to stay, but nowhere to run to.

I’m sure this is what people would call “acting like a tragic heroine”. I was like a weak princess from a romantic story. I’m not very fond of those types of heroines.
I had times when I would think about if I could overcome this situation with my own powers.

 

I could have revealed everything to Brother and asked for his help.
But…I didn’t have courage for that at that time. I couldn’t sell out Mother or fully trust Brother. If I messed up, my actions could have been taken as the violation of the contract, killing both me and Prince Rain.
I pretended nothing was wrong and gradually got used to going back and forth between Cucurouge and the Aspinel Mansion.
I couldn’t trust anybody. I didn’t even have confidence in myself. I was holding my breath, waiting for the situation to somehow change.
I didn’t feel alive.

One day, I met a girl called Judia at a party. She came hard at me after seeing that I was being escorted by Brother. I wanted to get along because she was a girl close to my age but it seemed like a hard task. Her sister, Miss Juna, though, took care of me and smiled at me.
Lady Juna was Brother’s fiancée. We didn’t have many opportunities to talk, but once we happened to have tea together. Taking the opportunity when Brother left his seat because of some business, I hesitantly asked her something. I thought that she would never get mad no matter what I asked.

“Do you not hate the political marriage?

‘Oh my, oh my’, Lady Juna cupped her cheeks and answered gently.

 

 “No. I’m happy. After all, Lord Sanigue is a wonderful person.”

 

I felt envious. I could understand that their relationship wasn’t an act. If I got married, I would also love my husband to be somebody like Sanigue.
I was still continuing my correspondence with Prince Rain, but as usual there was no heart in it. I was worried if I could properly talk to him and laugh with him like Miss Juna and Brother did when we would meet in person. I had a hunch that he was already disappointed in me, thinking of me as a boring girl.

“You must be anxious about marrying somebody you don’t know. Everything will be alright. I have heard that His Highness Rain is a clever and a beautiful child. I am sure he would be a perfect match for you, Lady Sonia.”

“I wonder…”

“Yes, please have more confidence in yourself. There is no way a person like you wouldn’t beloved.”

 

Just where did her baseless assumptions come from? I was a little annoyed.
I’d rather she didn’t speak so thoughtlessly when she didn’t know a thing about me.

I couldn’t even imagine…what being loved by somebody felt.
Had Mother ever really loved me even a little bit?
Had Saigue ever really thought of me as his cute younger sister?
Had Prince Rain really not hated to the idea of marrying me?
Were the people of this country really longing for the murderous and poisonous Queen?

 

Still, I felt that if not for the Rose Gem, everything would work out well.

 

When I was 11 years old, Lady Juna succumbed to an epidemic.
Seeing all the mourners crying, I realized that she was truly loved.
I couldn’t look at Brother’s face that was wet with tears.
If the Rose Gem was completed, maybe Lady Juna could have been saved. I couldn’t help thinking about this, becoming downhearted from an inexplicable guilt. Even though her death wasn’t my fault.

 

This was when I gave up on relying on Brother.

After that, I made mastering the magic of seeing past my goal.
I wanted to know about my Father, who had suddenly passed away. Maybe he had loved me. Maybe he would be on my side if he was alive. I wanted to think so.
It was a fairly difficult magic but I was able to master it within a year.

 

…The results weren’t very satisfactory.
Father didn’t seem to have much interest in me. He was the kind of person who wouldn’t lift his face from his book even as I as a toddler was crying next to him.
He hugged me only once spurred by grandmother, but had a very troubled face on. I understood well enough that he didn’t know what to do with me. Nothing would change even if Father was here.

 

However, it did become a good way to kill time.
My curiosity made me look further into my memories, finally even transcending the boundaries.

“…Huh？”

I saw my past life.
It was a place far from here, a world without magic. It was a world that seemed cramped and troublesome, but it was overflowing with useful tools and a wide variety of entertainment.
The life of a woman living in such a world made me gasp.
Although this woman was mediocre in both her appearance and her talent, she exerted a tremendous energy in a certain field.

…“Otakus” are really amazing.
They would spend more and more money for ‘moe’. They would fall in love with a fictional character, become so obsessed with fiction that it would cause problems in their private lives and would express their joy and sadness painfully straightforwardly.

 

It was a way of life that I couldn’t understand, but…maybe it was because I was reliving her senses…Things like “manga”, “games” or “anime” weren’t in my world, so they made me heart warm. I couldn’t even imagine that a world overflowing with such wonderful entertainment existed. I even doubted if it was just a dream, but ultimately decided that as long as it was fun, I’d be okay with it. After that, whenever I had free time, I would peek at my past incarnation’s life.

Thus, the encounter with a certain “anime” changed my destiny.

『Gyaa! Will! You’re still as painfully cute as ever! Are you God!!?』

The woman from my past life was the obsessed with a work called “Emerald and the Legend of the Witch.”
It was a story about how Emerald, Prince Rain and their 4 allies saved the world.
A story set in the kingdom where I lived.

 

—-
Notes:
And this is when you remember that last boss witch is probably a self-insert story. Sonia, the all powerful witch who probably could already see into the past well outside the realm of her world thinks that anime, manga and games are the pinnacle of human entertainment…

Anyway, the word for humiliated above is more like denounced, attacked, etc. I thought humiliated was a better fit because well, how else would an 8 year old feel if you called out their lack of talent or manners? It’s not like a noble family could literally beat her up for failing her assignments.
What she’s literally saying with “since I had already killed somebody, I couldn’t argue against meeting the same fate” is basically just Lelouche’s ‘those who kill must be prepared to die’ line. “I’ve already killed so it wouldn’t be unreasonable if I was also killed.”
The exact phrase for I pretended nothing was is 場を取り繕う, pulling through by some problem by acting that it doesn’t exist. Or something like that.
After seeing that I was being escorted by Brother was actually just awkward to word in English. It was “she was harsh on me, who was escorted by Brother”. Well, we already know that Judia had a major crush on Sanigue so it would make sense for her to act all tsuntsun for Sonia after seeing Sanigue next to her.

I can’t use footnotes on this site so I thought maybe bolding the sentences I wanted to clarify could be easier to follow. Tell me if you guys find this distracting and I’ll think of something else.

As usual, tell me about typos, awkward grammar and typos so I could fix it asap. And don’t forget that this is a MTL.
Also, it’s been literal years since I’ve reread the story so I might forget or mistranslate some terms so if you guys do notice some inconsistencies, please give me a nudge!
I don’t know but the spacing is fucked again……………….

P.S. The name of this chapter is Blood-Stained Past (Part 1)

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